It’s like systemd’s a cocktail of every spider-drug web rolled into one glorious mess. Picture this: the devs started with a caffeine binge, frantically spinning a chaotic tangle of services. Then they hit the marijuana, half-assing the “parallel boot” promise with a sluggish, sprawling dropout. A dash of LSD kicked in for the “modern” buzzword overload. And maybe some Benzedrine to top it off, pumping out oversized, sloppy features like systemd-networkd that nobody asked for.

It’s the only explanation that tracks - different drugs, different days, all mashed into a single Franken-system.